We Love Short Shorts (Or Not)!

I live in Daisy Duke country, y'all. I'm referring to the shorts, not the TV character. A college town in Florida means lots and lots of really tiny shorts. There have been times when I was unsure whether a young lady was actually wearing shorts or if they were boy-cut bikini bottoms. How does one know if one's shorts are too tiny?

If your underwear sticks out the bottom

If your pockets are longer than your shorts

If your t-shirt covers your shorts so it looks like you aren't wearing any

If the crease where your thigh meets your butt can be seen as you walk

If you need a bikini wax in order to wear your shorts

I really, really hate wearing shorts. When I moved here two years ago I didn't own any. It took less than two weeks of 85-degree weather (in October!) to realize that I could not live in this climate without wearing shorts occasionally. Alas, shorts are a logistical nightmare. I'm a fair-skinned, dark-haired woman, so if I miss a day shaving I look like Velcro. At 5'3", "fashion rules" dictate that I should wear short shorts to make my legs look longer. I guess the ladies at Vogue have nannies to sit cross-legged on the floor to read endless rounds of The Very Hungry Caterpillar and to bend over every time a kiddo wants to be scooped up.

Even though I am anti-shorts, I am also anti-heat-exhaustion. Therefore, I have had to squat down in dressing rooms to assess the adequacy of inseams, buy the least-objectionable shorts I can find, and then shave constantly to the point that my razor burn looks like poison ivy. Bermudas, you suggest? A pair of Bermuda shorts is the ONLY clothing item in my eight-year marriage that my husband has particularly asked me not to wear. I love me some man-repelling fashion, but if my man thinks I look better during childbirth than I do wearing Bermudas, I should probably pay attention.

Just as women are always looking for the perfect bra or little black dress, I am constantly on the hunt for the perfect shorts. In my dreams, they make my legs look tan, long, and lean, they don't ride up, and they do not provide free adult entertainment when I bend over. I have yet to find this miracle.

I'm pinning my hopes on this cute pair I bought at the Gap this weekend:

Trimmed trouser shorts Regular Price $49.95

Interestingly enough, the faux-leather trim on the pair I bought is actually black, not brown like the picture.

I'll let everyone know when I've made my ruling.