It's not easy keeping up with the latest trends, people. Skinny jeans. Colorblocking. Textured knits. Plus, we all know it's risky to obey the Fashion Gods willy-nilly. Anyone remember Hypercolor? Jams? Ed Hardy?
What amazes me are the clothes and accessory advertisements where not even the model looks good. If someone who was hired specifically to look awesome cannot manage it, what chance do the rest of us have? Designers, I urge you: if a model cannot wear it, DO NOT manufacture more!
Here is a look at some items that should never be on anyone's body under any circumstances:
1969 high-rise pleat shorts
A waist, you ask? We don't need no stinkin' waist!
Sugar & Spice Jumpsuit
You are getting sle-e-epy...my zigzags are hy-y-ypnotizing you...
What are the odds that all of your proportions match the jumpsuit's proportions?
I suppose the upside would be this shirt's ability to mask baby vomit.
Ed Hardy Rose Wrapped Heart Rhinestone Zippered Leggings
If you like them that much, just get a REAL TATTOO already! It would be classier!
Kae Feather Skirt
Let's breed a leopard and an ostrich and see what we get! Just a fluffy butt, you say? Eh. All right.
Did anyone catch what all of these items have in common? They are all on sale. The stores desperately hope that a lower price will entice us to commit fashion suicide. "Yeah, I know the drop-crotch zebra-print harem pants are kinda weird, but they were ON SALE!"
Are we clear? Just say no to jumpsuits, bad denim, horrific prints and genetically engineered animals. This is not an exhaustive list, of course, so feel free to discuss your favorite form of ugly.
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I see half of these as fugly (oh, Ed Hardy) and the other half as a challenge. Dear "feather" skirt, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Oh, wait, you only come in small and extra-small. Fuck you very much.
ReplyDeleteKyrie, I am honored that you would have gladly challenged the "zoo mishap" skirt. It takes a brave woman to put tiers of pouf on her ass.
ReplyDeleteoh come on, you know you secretly want to wear that zig zag jumpsuit. I mean that is *hot* stuff. :)
ReplyDelete